Donald Trump’s Secret Plan to Rule America

Donald Trump’s Secret Plan to “Make America Great Again”

UDI 2/23/16  New York City

A former aid to presidential candidate Donald Trump released to the press today a confidential memo written by the billionaire that she described as “secret” and “highly explosive.” Ophelia Payne, formerly the Trump campaign’s Director of Messaging, said the 12 page memo titled “How To Make America Great Again,” lays out Trump’s secret plan to rule America, and eventually, the world.

When asked about the report, Trump denied it until shown a copy of the memo. Then he blamed Ms. Payne for the leak and said he would sue her fat ass. “She’s a disgruntled former employee,” Trump said. “I just fired her last week, so she did this to me. She’s a disgusting, ugly, woman who has blood coming out of her eyes, and somewhere else.”

Ms. Payne said she was fired because Trump found out that she had said the only reason he was able to get into the Wharton School was that he had a rich father. But Trump denied that he had a rich father and said she was fired because she was over-rated and has low energy.

“My father wasn’t rich,” Trump said. “His net worth was only $250 million. I’m much richer than he ever was. I pulled myself up from nothing. And I’m really smart.”

The first bombshell in the report reveals a secret media deal Trump did that could affect the election outcome. For weeks rumors have circulated among Washington and Wall Street insiders that Donald Trump secretly purchased Fox News from fellow billionaire and media mogul Rupert Murdoch.

Conservative pundits have speculated as to why the Fox News Channel, and its sister station, The Fox Business Channel, the most politically conservative t.v. news outlets, have appeared to go so easy on populist/liberal Donald Trump, while being so critical of conservative Senator Ted Cruz. Cruz is thought to be far more “authentic” in his conservatism, than the erratic billionaire, who in the past has financially supported liberal Democrats, and taken more liberal than conservative positions on most issues.

Rich Lowry, Editor of “The National Review,” one of the nation’s most conservative political organs, has gone so far as to ask, “Why are supposedly conservative Fox News personalities like Sean Hannity, Greta Van Sustern, Lou Dobbs, Neil Cavuto, and the typically confrontational Bill O’Reilly, so obsequious when dealing with Donald Trump? Trump has them all eating out of his hand, and until now, I couldn’t understand why. I thought they were afraid of Trump, fearful he might call them a mean name. But now we know the true reason these Fox journalists have sold out. They work for Donald Trump! This is a clear conflict of interest, and highly unprofessional.”

Asked about the rumors of the Fox News purchase at a campaign stop today, Trump boastfully admitted it. “Okay, big deal,” he said. “So I bought Fox News. I’m tired of having the media treat me unfairly, so at least now I have one network that will be fair. And, by the way, I didn’t pay for it myself. I made Mexico pay for it. And as soon as the election is over, I’m going to rename it ‘Trump News.’ It was a great deal for me. I killed Murdoch. This is going to be huge.”

Other rumors have circulated recently that Trump also bought Rush Limbaugh. Limbaugh, who many consider to be the father of the modern conservative movement, has been consistently preaching his brand of conservatism on his syndicated radio program since 1988. But not any more. Some conservative commentators, including Limbaugh’s fellow talk host, Glenn Beck, have wondered aloud what’s happened to Limbaugh. “When it comes to Donald Trump, the ferocious lion Rush Limbaugh, has turned into a pussy cat,” Beck said yesterday on his Blaze radio show. “Rush knows that Trump is no conservative. He’s just an opportunistic, self-serving demagogue. But Rush is afraid to stand up for true conservative principles and criticize Trump. So, wake up, Rush!”

The secret memo went well beyond plans to take over media outlets. After winning the election, Trump intends to take over everything. The branches of Congress will be re-named “The House of Trump” and “The Trump Senate.” The U.S. Supreme Court will be renamed “The Trump Supreme Court.” The other two branches of government will be subordinated to the executive branch and subject to the direct control of President Trump in a new “United States of Trump.”

Immediately upon taking office, Trump will issue an order to the Treasury Department that every unit of currency printed, from the one dollar bill to the one hundred dollar bill, will bear a picture of Donald Trump. At this disclosure, a stunned Washington AP correspondent, Cliff Hanger, asked: “Just to clarify, Sir. Am I to understand that on all the currency, you’re going to replace pictures of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Alexander Hamilton, and Ben Franklin, with pictures of yourself?”

“Why not?” Trump shot back. “Those founding father guys are all over-rated. And with my picture on all the bills, the United States currency will be respected again. The dollar will be stronger. So the Chinese can’t manipulate their currency and kick us around anymore. Believe me. This is going to be huge. I built a great company, and the Trump brand is the heart of that success.”

Trump also plans, according to the memo, to take over every major industry in the country. Apple Computer will become “Trump Computer.” Exxon Mobile will be renamed “Trump Oil.” The Dow Jones Industrial Average will become the “Trump Industrial Average,” etc. Donald Trump will own and control every major business in America. “That way,” Trump said, “I can really get this economy moving again. I’ve built a great company, and I’m simply going to merge every other company into Trump Enterprises. Because these companies are being run by a bunch of losers and stupid, ugly people. When I run everything, you’ll see jobs coming back to America. Believe me. When I run these companies we won’t hire anybody in foreign countries. They can all starve for all I care. Everyone will work in America. And finally when the rest of the world is starving and down on their knees begging me for help, I’ll take over the rest of the world as well. It’s going to be great.”

Another reporter asked Mr. Trump how this will work. “Suppose people in Congress oppose your plans?”

“Simple,” Trump responded, “If anybody doesn’t get with the plan, I’ll just look in their fat, ugly, face, and say, ‘You’re fired.’”

“But what if the Supreme Court says your plan is unconstitutional,” the reporter persisted.

“The Supreme Court? Are you serious? The Supreme Court is a joke. When have they ever gotten anything right? They’re just nine old people who are a bunch of losers who couldn’t make it in business so they sit there in black robes, thinking they’re very important, spouting nonsense.”

“Okay,” the reporter responded, “but what if they say your plan is unconstitutional?”

“Look!” Trump said, becoming visibly irritated, “I’m going to be President of the United States. I’ll have the FBI working for me, the Justice Department, the IRS, the National Guard, and the entire United States military. How many troops will the Supreme Court have? I’ll make them an offer. They won’t refuse.” Trump then instructed one of his security detail to take down the reporter’s name.

CNBC correspondent Rich Mann said that Trump’s plan sounded like socialism, i.e. that the government would control private companies.

“No,” Trump replied. “ It isn’t socialism. In socialism the government controls the private sector. When I’m president, I will control both the government and the private sector. This isn’t socialism; it isn’t capitalism. It’s something completely new; It’s called ‘Trumpism.’”

“Kind of like what King Louie the Fourteenth said?” The CNBC reporter asserted. “I am France.”

“Who is Louie the Fourteenth?” Trump responded.

In other news, White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest denied reports from an undisclosed source in the U.S. Marshals Office that President Obama had ordered the body of U.S. Supreme Court Associate Justice Antonin Scalia to be thrown off the airplane into the ocean on the flight back to Washington from Texas, where Scalia died on Sunday. “These allegations are scurrilous and scandalous, and completely fabricated,” Earnest said.
In 2011 President Obama did order the body of Al Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden thrown from the airplane into the ocean, after Bin laden was killed by Navy Seals in a raid in Pakistan. “This is a completely different situation,” Earnest insisted. “Just because he did it once doesn’t mean that having corpses thrown into the ocean to avoid potentially embarrassing autopsies has become standard operating procedure for the President of the United States.” The unidentified source with the U.S. Marshals Service said that the marshals had simply refused to comply with the President’s order.

UDI –United Depressed International 2/23/16

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