by Jim Greenfield

Dredge Report. Pyonyang, North Korea.

North Korean dictator, Kim Jong Un, has been accused by at least six female staffers and former staffers of sexual harassment since taking office in 2011. The alleged misconduct includes unwanted sexual advances, off-color comments, and inappropriate touching. This according to famed women’s rights attorney, Gloria Allred, who says she represents the six women. A statement released by a spokesman for Kim says the dictator denies all charges, and will see Gloria Allred in court, where Kim says he will atomize her.

At a press conference outside her law office in Los Angeles, Ms. Allred made the following statement: “Kim Jong Un’s treatment of his female staffers is shameful. The inequality of power between Mr. Un and his young female staffers is appalling. Kim Jong Un is an all-powerful despot, with the power to imprison, torture, and execute any woman who refuses his advances. He can even torture and execute members of their families if they refuse to give in to his perverted demands. This type of abuse of women has no place in the 21st century work place, and we intend to put a stop to it with this suit.” The suit seeks $150 million in damages and a restraining order forbidding Kim Jong Un from engaging in such behavior in the future.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D., CA.) issued a statement in support of the lawsuit. “I am so glad,” Ms. Pelosi said, “to see Gloria Allred finally trying to put a stop to this barbaric behavior, which has become far too common among foreign dictators. These men think that just because they have absolute power they can get away with treating women however they want. Well they can’t. Not so long as I am Speaker, um, I mean Minority Leader. We will introduce legislation requiring the Administration to impose sanctions on any foreign dictator that is found to be sexually harassing or abusing women.  We’ll make this type of behavior unaffordable, affordable, affordable, affordable, affordable….And if sanctions don’t work, we’re prepared to authorize military intervention. Starving his people and threatening the U.S. with Nuclear Missiles is bad enough. But taking advantage of innocent young women is going a step too far. I give my full support to Gloria Allred, and wish her all success.”

There is one problem, however, with Ms. Allred’s legal claim against Kim Jong Un. According to international law attorney, Lance Boyle, a partner at Duey, Cheatham, and Howe in New York, “It’s hard to bring a legal claim in North Korea due to procedural hurdles, namely there are no courts. Yeah, see, in North Korea, Kim Jong Un and his lieutenants, decide all disputes by fiat. So I wish Gloria Allred good luck. It sounds like she has a great case, on the merits. But unfortunately there’s no way to litigate it.”

Serving all humanity, but mainly serving myself, this is Jim Greenfield.